What if I told you you can't love if you can't love yourself?
This has been my lesson for the past 2 and half years. When I entered graduate school, I was feeling terrible about everything and almost did not get in. I felt unloved, unimportant, incomplete. And I searched out for relief and truth, to love and be loved. When I gave love I felt and received love, maybe if I just gave and gave and gave I would fill this burning inside of me. Through my supervisors and counselors this lesson was brought before me and I learned the importance of being loving to myself and God.
"You can only take someone as far as you have taken yourself."
What is love? (baby don't hurt me...don't hurt me.. no more.:bobs head:)
With Valentines day rolling around, love is in the air. It's being thrown in our faces with branding pinks, reds, whites. Jewelers are saying the best way to show how much you cherish her is with this outrageously priced sparkly; or show him how much you love him by wearing this dainty tissue of a dress. Love is portrayed as giving, and not things of insignificance. When you love someone you give all that you have to them; you cherish them, you want only the best for them, not a single cloud to dampen their spirits. I think we can agree that is how love is shown. Love is the feeling, the driving force to do such things for our loved one(s).
So what IS love?
Love (is)...
- patient,
- kind,
- does not envy,
- does not boast,
- not proud,
- does not dishonor others,
- not self-seeking,
- not easily angered,
- keeps no record of wrongs,
- does not delight in evil,
- rejoices with the truth,
- always protects,
- always trusts,
- always hopes,
- always perseveres
(1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
When you Love someone you can't help but want the best for them and why it is exemplified in acts. When you embody these attributes, you embody love. By loving yourself you maintain and show it around you. If you go through this list of attributes that make up love, you can't deny those times you have done the opposite to yourself and others. When you do not allow yourself to love yourself, you can not give what you do not have. If your inner thoughts about yourself are anything but love you do not have the driving force in you in order to give it. When you allow yourself to love yourself (be patient, be kind...) it causes only the best to be brought out of you. When you do not love yourself, you find you feel terrible and when you feel terrible, you act terrible. You may start feeling down about yourself, believing you're no good, you don't deserve love.
You can not pour from an empty cup.
When I am down and out about myself, I do and say some terrible things. I feel terrible. I feel incomplete. I feel like I deserve nothing and everything at the same time. You know what I'm talking about. Those moments with your spouse where you long them to want you, to do something for you, so that you know they love you. If they showed they loved you then you would know you were deserving of love. I was not being loving to myself, and by not loving myself I did not love others. I was harsh and unloving to others, because I was harsh and unloving to myself. I'm sure you know about this struggle. The need to love and be loved, but you know who you are and the sins you have committed against yourself and others. It doesn't feel good and you know you are undeserving, but there is that little piece of hope that tells you to keep searching. It's just so much of the time you find yourself going in circles. And honestly, circles work. A lot of people do not seek outside of what they know because it works, it's not bad, you'll survive it. It can get tiring and stressful though.
- “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily burdened [by religious rituals that provide no peace], and I will give you rest [refreshing your souls with salvation]. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me [following Me as My disciple], for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest (renewal, blessed quiet) for your souls” (Matthew 11:28-29 AMP).
- "For you, my brothers, were called to freedom; only do not let your freedom become an opportunity for the sinful nature (worldliness, selfishness), but through love serve and seek the best for one another. For the whole Law [concerning human relationships] is fulfilled in one precept, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself [that is, you shall have an unselfish concern for others and do things for their benefit].” But if you bite and devour one another [in bickering and strife], watch out that you [along with your entire fellowship] are not consumed by one another” (Galatians 5:13-15 AMP).
- “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life…” (John 3:16).
- "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister" (1 John 4:16-21).
Just go read all of 1 John 4
So what's in your cup?... Love yourself. Practice 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Because through Loving yourself, you Love your spouse, partner, children, family, and friends. I hope to bring this enlightenment to you that for you to find True Love you must love yourself through God's love for you. It is difficult for you to love yourself when you do wrong, so let Him be your everlasting love. Because He can. And He will. He knows you'll screw up. That is why He gave the world His son.
